My Unbalanced Life...And Why I'm Finally Good With It.
Updated: Nov 13, 2020
My life is not balanced. It is measured. It is centered.
For me, the word balanced carries the weight of needing to masterfully give all parts of my life equitable attention, equal parts of my time, energy, and efforts- like a skilled juggler keeping all balls deftly in the air, spinning in rotation with perfect rhythm. Repeatedly, by my own estimation, I fall short.
As a quick digression, I grind my teeth. Not as much these days, post learning to cope better, but I still do. Grinding teeth is regularly associated with subconscious stress that manifests in unconscious activity frequently during sleep. The next morning soreness and ache is often the only proof that my body raced during the day, handing off to my mind which continued those laps as I slept during the night. So yes, imaginations of being balanced resonate deeply in my soul.
Then it hit me. The effort to be balanced should not be an extra stressor for me life. After all, who determines what's balanced? Perhaps, my balance and another's balance are not one in the same. Perhaps what's needed to make my life well differs from the necessary variables of another. Perhaps, balance as equity is not my goal.
Admittedly, my life is not balanced. And, I am finally good with it! My life is measured. It is centered. Here are a few thoughts to help you track with me. Of course, you are invited to do some tweaking to your own situation if anything triggers a deep exhale for you.
My life is measured. I literally consider that I only have a certain amount of energy, time, emotions, etc. to lend to the world. Although, I tried to operate otherwise, those things are not limitless. As such, I am now more discriminate about where I spend my good stuff, my time, energy, and emotions. There are days when I know that a particular situation will drain much from me, so I safeguard the hours before that moment. Going 100% behind all things equally is near impossible in my life. Learning to think through my day, determine what will require the most and then adjusting other variables accordingly works for me. Does this mean that one area may get very little attention in a day or moment? Absolutely. No worries though, no judgement.
My life is centered. At times, I have to consider and grant myself position to be fully present in the current season of my life. My life becomes centered, momentarily, in that season. Recently my heart ached because of the deep hurt that a dear friend was experiencing. Given the tragedy of my friend's loss, my decision was to be available in whatever capacity to support that journey. Inevitably, this decision meant that other engagements, news, and the like would not receive that same level of attention. I was good with that, good with the necessity to deep dive for a moment into this circumstance knowing that my attention would wane in other areas. For you, that may look like being okay with going full throttle behind a big dream while skipping light social events. Likewise, you may determine that physical wellness is the focal point for a season and thus eating out with friends in restaurants would not make the cut for a while. We give ourselves permission to be centered in what makes our life well in the present instead of battling to include all things, at all times in our lives.
That's it. My life is not balanced. It is measured. It is centered. I am well.
May you safeguard your wellness too, adjusting as needed to meet the needs in you.
As always, I honor the greatness in you.